September Progress and More

Well, I get the award for doing the worst job ever of keeping my blog up to date for the month of October - I can't believe it is the 21st already because I feel like it just started - in some ways I've totally just been treading water for the past 2/3 weeks, I took a trip to Vegas and sort of derailed my exercise efforts and then eating I've done alright, but not as great as I could have, no where near the kind of progress I had in September.  Also, I didn't even post my 1 month progress pictures - bad me.  HOWEVER, I did make progress and I know I did a good job....

My biggest loser challenge ends next week, so I know I need to get in gear and focus with intensity for this last month.  My current progress has me ad down 15.8 pounds (10.65 percent!!) So it is a race to the finish now to see how awesome I can finish this at!

Boot camp mode for reals Shawna, finish strong!! I'm also going to kick myself into gear with the running because I know I can do it and I definitely feel my motivation weeken when I'm not hitting the pavement.  Today I have a field trip to chaperon, but tomorrow I'm getting my groove on and running after walking the boys to school

Ok, that is all for today! I can do this!

Week 4 DOWN and feeling good... and full... and good....

Well today was my weigh in for week number 4 and I was super pleased! I went down about a pound and a half and I brought my grand total of weight lost up to TWELVE POUNDS!  I'm super proud!

I feel like I so should have blogged more this week, I do think that talking it out is going to be an important part of my journey but then a get busy and I get tired and I just start doing other stuff.  So here is the recap:

• Sugar is calling my name!  I ate a bowl of Reese's Puffs this week, and a cinnamon roll too (akk!) aside from today though I did keep with in my calories every day, and generally I think it is okay to have splurges because you can't maintain a diet of NEVER eating sweets (well, *I* cant anyway!) HOWEVER - I see this huge correlation between eating sugar and wanting more sugar - instead of it being like, oh, ok, I had a cinnamon roll yesterday so I don't need another one tomorrow it is more like... omg that was so good yesterday, I need another one.... it is a dilemma.
• This week our challenge was "treat yourself" and it was a good one, it was interesting to try treat myself with things that were not food, because I think that really is my go-to strategy when I need a little pick me up... I think I strengthened my skills some in that department, and I def. realized some things about myself and eating.  What else am I turning to food for that I really don't have to.
• My stupid shins hurt. I ran Monday and Tuesday, and again on Thursday and I was feeling rather proud of myself but my stupid shins were hurting progressively worse :( - g told me to take some time off and buy new shoes, so Friday I skipped it and I ordered some shoes this weekend.  I think tomorrow though I'm going to go give it another go since I've had so many days to recover - I don't want to let myself give up on it and weenie out, but I also don't want to hurt myself and get totally derailed... we will see...
• Lastly, today is the first day since the start of it all that I have eaten over my calories - I didn't like completely binge but with sushi and the afore mentioned cinnamon roll #2 I was at almost 1400... I knew it, I did it, and I think it is okay. As long as tomorrow is uber awesome once again.

This weekend I have a huge trip to vegas with Sweet Shoppe, SO excited, but a little worried about the food aspect.... Gonna have to really REALLY work at not gaining this week.

Also, It is the end of the month and time for some progress pictures, I'll be posting those tomorrow hopefully!! :)

Bed is calling!

Let me "wine" a little...

Well, this week's weigh in was not nearly as impressive as the last few weeks.  I sort of knew it would have to even out so I'm trying to stay super motivated... but still... as soon as it starts just moving in .5 increments it starts to feel like my goal is soooooo far away.

Yesterday discouraging thing #2 happened because G and I went to the Goodwill outlet and I found an armload of really cute clothes - I was pumped because I got them all for such an awesome deal!  Unfortunately I must have also been smoking crack while I was there because when I got home I discovered that NONE of it fit me... most of the pants I could not even manage to button... Not exactly encouraging - so I guess I'm going into this week feeling full on fat. Bah.

Next week is going to be the four week mark and it will be time for a progress picture.  I'm hoping a feel good enough about myself to force me into spandex again - right now I'd rather hide under my bed.

Here are my stats as of today:

Weigh in from last week (9/15):141.7
Today's weight (9/23): 138.0
Challenge points Earned: 21

Weight loss for the week: 0.6 pounds
Weight loss so far:  10.3 pounds
Percent of body weight lost: 6.95%

I have crossed the 10 pound mark, that is nothing to sneeze at - I'm going to let myself be proud of that one - maybe I'll even let myself celebrate by going to an actual store and finding a pair of pants that will button. I DO need to reward myself because I think it will help me feel a little bit more like I'm accomplishing something.  I also drank at least a full bottle of wine on Saturday night, I'm sure my body is retaining water from that bender, I was prepared to see it reflected on the scale - although my brain still gets hooked.

Other things to be positive about: I ran FOUR days last week, every school day but Wednesday, and on Weds I did some toning exercises with Liz, then last night I did pilates too, which gave me exercise points for 6 out of 7 days, not too shabby.  I'm also starting to REALLY love my morning runs - I even am not finding it too difficult to convince myself to put a sports bra on when I get up.  I'm almost done with week three of C25K so I'm pretty confident I can make it up to the 5k by my run October 20th.  It's raining today, so I'm going to be total kick ass when I'm out there running, hopefully I don't freeze though!

This week I'm going to ick off another bootcamp week - time to wash that crap out of my system, maybe it will perk me up some too...

Onward.

When, not now...

It seems like every time I get into weight lose mode my brain starts jumping into the future... I don't know if it is because I've reached my goal before or if it is my personal way of not accepting who I am right now but i keep having the same though process:

It's great that you've lost nine pounds (or 3 pounds or 5 pounds or whatever) but when you get back down below 131, then you can actually feel like you're making process. Or when you finally hit 120 you can finally feel proud. 110 you'll finally look not fat... It's so arbitrary and so not productive because there is really nothing I can do to get to that place right away, right now I just got down below 40 right now my victory pants are stll my fat pants, and when my brain is on this mode of only when its so easy to fall into three trap of feeling powerless and paralyzed in a state of "not yet"... I want to feel confident and proud about where I am yet still I have all these disclaimers...

Maybe my title should be if not now,  when... Because I'm pretty sure ill junior the same mental block at 130 and 110 and whatever may come inbetween... For better or worse no matter what I way i'rf still be me, and that has to be, enough..right .now...right?

Almost at the 10 pound mark...

Holy crap! I can not believe how much weight I've lost in the past two weeks.  I'm pretty sure that cutting out all of the processed grains and sugars is the culprit but I'm not complaining.  I seriously have not lost 9 pounds in two weeks EVER. 9.7 pounds to be exact... Holy crap...

I still am far above where I was this time last year but that really is irrelevant at this point because ... well because I can't go back in time - I can only go forward, and forward is looking highly hopeful right now :)

Lets see, maybe listing the things that I've done to earn that loss would be helpful for the future when I'm feeling like giving up/in.

• Carbs - I don't know what to call it, processed carbs? simple carbs? artificial carbs?  I think that the ONLY thing I ate this past week with any of that junk was a 12 inch whole wheat sub that I spread over two different days (2 meals, not like that is the only thing I ate LOL).
• Coffee straight up - I really think that something can be said for cutting out that darn creamer, it was probably only adding about 100 calories to my day since it was sugar free, but I think that it sort of set me up first thing in the morning to need that sweets fix... when I'm getting my sugars exclusively from fruit I think I am enjoying it more, and my taste buds aren't totally numbed out to anything but super sugary flavors...
• Ok, I'll admit it... Alcohol... Although I did give into my wine craving a little this week, I drank like 2 8oz glasses of wine.  I really savored it, and it was way kinder to my body - again I think it is one of those things, my body gets all numbed out to the alcohol effects and flavors and I'm consuming larger and larger amounts to get my fix (crap that makes me sound like an alcoholic! i'm talking about this on a smaller scale though... but really in a sense it is sort of the same thing).
• Exercise! I ran 2 times this week and then took long walks 4 out of 6 days (still gotta get it in there for today too). I feel like a super star when I'm running, I need to remember that on my mornings that I feel like those 40 mins would be better spent sleeping. Also, I took Gareth with me a few times and Owen with me once, it is a really easy way to bond with out it being a big thing we have to plan out in advance or spend a ton of money on. Friday I was feeling sorta bleck and I couldn't figure out why, but I started to get super hungry - instead of just caving and driving to the store or somewhere worse, I compromised with myself and walked to subway with one of the kids. Made me feel much better about myself later that night after I'd eaten something a little less awesome.
• Fruit :) my new BFF, I never knew how much I could look forward to a mango or revel in a plum! Like I was saying, with it being my pretty much exclusive form of sweetness I am really enjoying my food so much more.  I have even been staying away from artificial sweeteners - yesterday I caved and had a bit of crystal light in my water and I surprised myself because I actually didn't even finish it.  I love water so much more right now :)
• Salad Salad Salad - pretty much a staple of my day, and the main course 80 percent of the time - I'll always add nuts or some sort of meat for protein. And when I feel like I can't eat another bowl of leafy greens and omelet or a meal shake can fit the bill.

Eventually, I'm going to have to work some carb/starches in to my diet again, I know from experience that its pretty much impossible to live a southbeach or atkins or paleo lifestyle BUT I am going to add it slowly, and hopefully I can always keep it as just a small portion of my meals and not the main event.

Ok, yay :)  So, finally - my beloved numbers:

Starting weight (9/1): 148.3

Weigh in from last week (9/8):141.7

Today's weight (9/15): 138.6

Weight loss for the week:  3.1 pounds

Weight loss so far: 9.7 pounds

Percent of body weight lost: 6.54%

Yippee!!! Not too shabby to say the least - I'm actually excited for the next week, which is pretty much unheard of for me LOL - momentum rocks!

Oh - and if I can exercise today my points earned for the week will be: 24 - that is a 4 point increase from last week, go exercise points!

Now I will punctuate this week with a smiley face :)

ps - I forgot one thing!! LOGGING! I know for a fact that logging my food makes a huge difference too, it is so so helpful to be conscious of what is going into your body, it forces me to not go over, but also to not go too low - one day of starvation and my body goes into desperate hunger mode the next day - that is no good, it's all about moderation baby...

My Pants...

Today I put on a pair of pants that I tried to wear just a week and a half ago, and today i buttoned them with out crying....

I'm sure they are slightly stretched out from my painful pants wearing session - but I swear my hips/tummy feel slightly smaller too... I am not one to measure my inches (ahhhh! all those numbers, my number obsessing ocd self might have an aneurysm) but I'm going to count this particular pants wearing buttoning experience as progress in the inches dept :)

Yay!

Now I shall add a photo before I lose my enthusiasm...

Good Things

This week I'm in a pretty good place, after last week going so well I'm feeling all jazzed up and finding it easier to resist stuff that usually I just can't say no to.  Case in point, yesterday the house was pretty messy and in the kitchen the boys had left out two boxes of Captain Crunch - Captain Crunch!! My favorite!  But I didn't even put my hand in the box even once to eat a bit of it, I just didn't NEED it... That feels good!

I did allow myself 6 oz of my beloved red wine last night.  I had PLENTY of calories, I had a pretty light calorie day and I ran AND walked yesterday so I decided it was allowed... Yumm! It was devine!  One thing that is awesome about watching calories and cutting out certain foods is that everything feels sorta like a luxury - and it is nice for one glass to feel like a super treat instead of it taking like 3 glasses plus ben and jerry's!

Right now, it is really feeling like I've got the motivation to stick this puppy out, and that is a good feeling - I actually looked in the mirror today and thought "I should take some progress pictures"... WHAT??? When do I ever have the urge to take pictures of myself in spandex! LOL I'm going to wait until the 1 month mark, but I feel confident right now that there will be a difference and that feels good.

Today I have very little healthy food left in the house so it might be one of those days where I have to drink a few shakes, I had planned to try to hold out until tomorrow night because that is where it goes in my official weekly schedule, but I don't know if we'll make it... we will see...

Thats all, just ramblings and confidence today - and I think thats a good thing.