...in 6 days it becomes official, I am no longer a stay at home mom primarily, I mean really I am, nothing about who I am essentially changes... I will continue to be right here where I've always been, but around me something drastically does change. Starting next week, every morning I will say goodbye to all 4 of my boys (5 really if you count the hubs)... And for the first time in all of my life, it will only be... Me.
I'm not really under any huge illusions, I know time will fly, and I do have some big goals for that time, not the least of which is to grow my business in a substantial way. But... Seeing as this is the beginning of a new era in which I will actually have the opportunity to literally only focus on me, I don't want to lose sight of that, to squander a precious privilege I have never ever had (like EVER because son #1 was a sophomore year in college surprise).
Here in this little online space I'm going to call it project Shawna, and it symbolizes giving myself the time, the space, and the motivation to become myself, the version of myself I am yet to fully comprehend. I sound a bit ramble-y and lofty but that's ok... I'm allowed to go about my project of me how ever I fancy, that is the point after all in of itself right?
I have a clear idea of where to start, because the loss of myself that plagues me right now the most is this body I'm hiding in. Frustration and lack of confidence weighs me down and it sucks me in. I want to run, I want to feel proud, so project Shawna clearly starts here. It's a doozie I know and I plan to use this space to work through the road blocks, both the physical and the mental, and the most daunting of them all, the emotional... Whatever it is that keeps dragging me down I plan to find and break free.
More on that to come, and more and more until I can feel this weight lifting off my soul some, till I can actually see me. Project Shawna begins, but it will take some commitment to keep it going... I'm determined, and I'm strong, and me, just me, is in here somewhere... Time to for her to be free.
